WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
by nabico
Summary: Adventures of Your Favrite Watchmen Caracters
1. Chapter 1

Silk Spectre II kicked the door down like a bully celebrating his victory over a pulverized, mute nerd. Seconds later, as the bright light poured into the warehouse, the second Nite Owl followed, swinging his scythe about like a madman. "We know you're in here," Silk Spectre hollered, pointing her flashlight at the dusky distance before them. "It'd be best if you simply held your hands up and came quietly." Just as Dan prepared to charge towards the shadows with his gleaming weapon, the lights, row by row, flickered on. In the center of the empty, rusting warehouse stood a figure that shocked both Laurie and Dreiburg. They suspected that the criminal behind the parakeet groping was Spiced Rummer, who had just escaped from the floating island prison made out of cameras called Catscan, but the culprit was a man that both Silk Spectre and Nite Owl were caught off guard by.  
>"B-Bop A-Luna...!" Nite Owl growled. The former Butt Ugly Martian, who had defected after Appliance Direct made him pay too much, was a former friend of Dan and Laurie. They had met at Comic-Con and exchanged coupons. "That's right!" B-Bop cackled. He swung his arms up into the air, revealing his plump, blue hands groping some serious parakeet junk. He dropped one of the parakeets and began to smoke one of his pipes that was made out of parakeet. "B-Bop," Laurie yelled. "I understand your anger. The Chinese man seemed very friendly and their offers seemed genuine, and I understand." B-Bop took a puff from his parakeet pipe as he listened. "But you can't take out your anger on them like this."<br>B-Bop had enough of Laurie's Irish arguments. Flinging his pipe at her, he began to curse wildly. "Y-you're wrong!" Scratching his massive cranium violently, he continued his vocal tirade. "I'll show you...I-I'll show you, and I'll show Appliance Direct." In the his right hand he opened the head of the parakeet, which was actually a robot parakeet, and pressed the red button that revealed itself. The warehouse began to quake like a woman that just discovered vibrators. The floor below him collapsed, and, for a moment, it appeared that B-Bop A-Luna had fallen into darkness. As the shaking continued, however, he emerged from the depths atop a gargantuan mech made out of swords and knives (the top-part of the robot that he was standing on was made out of books so that he could stand on them without hurting himself).  
>"Behold," B-Bop screamed tyrannically. As he folded his arms, the machine followed, the thousands of it's swords clashing and clinging together as it crossed it's own appendages. "My god," Nite Owl gasped. Silk Spectre rested her hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Dan." She whispered reassuringly among the massive rumbling. "We have ring shot on the twice, too." From his backpack, she withdrew a stone puppy that barked at her playfully.<br>She thrust her hand into the stone puppy, killing it instantly, and pulled from its corpse a trigger as soil and stone organs poured out. Pressing the trigger, a smaller but equally menacing mech appeared below them. "B-Bop," Nite Owl shouted to A-Luna and his machine. "I'd like to introduce you to our baby, Brass Tacks." After their infant child died of anorexia, Dan and Laurie converted it's body into a power source that fuels their massive robot.  
>Although it took months collecting chalkboards to build it's chassis, Brass Tacks was the most feared robot in the galaxy, and it had never been defeated. The skeleton-like monster of mechanics collided it's fists with B-Bops machine. It's mouth opened like a screaming rockstar and fired a food poisoning-inducing laser beam into B-Bop and his robot. He fell to his knees as his mech rocked back and began to retch wildly, aluminum foil gushing out of his mouth.<br>As the B-Bop's monstrosity fell to its knees, Brass Tack's mechanical dreadlocks pointed themselves at it and fired vinegar-bullets at the felled machine, and it was over as vinegar smoke billowed out of it's ruined chassis. "It's finished," Laurie said. "Yeah." Dan leaped from Brass Tacks and onto the destroyed heap of metal that was B-Bop's mech. Lifting B-Bop by the collar, Dan screeched as he tore A-Luna's face off with his razor sharp teeth. Before he could scream, Nite Owl forced his platinum fist into B-Bop's mouth and down his thin body, and he transformed B-Bop into his own Butt Ugly Gauntlet. Brass Tacks activated it's liver jets (they were like regular jets except instead of fire it released livers) and as they flew off from the destroyed warehouse, they decorated the city skyline with juicy organs. End Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 The mayor of New York was furious with what had transpired the day before. Although the parakeet groping case had been solved, it came at the cost of a warehouse's destruction. "I'm grateful," He said to Nite Owl and Silk Spectre. "I really am. But you need to be more careful when fighting." The Mayor pulled out his comb, which was made from the teeth of hippos. Combing his neon mohawk, the Mayor turned to them.  
>"At any rate, keep up the good work."<br>As Silk Spectre and Nite Owl got into their car, the duo discussed the meeting with the Mayor. "He just doesn't understand," Silk Spectre growled. "He just doesn't understand our Phalanx of Freedom." Silk Spectre was referring to the incident in Arizona, in which they fought off the Samurai Cacti. When all seemed lost, Nite Owl and Silk Spectre had activated their last ditch attack, the Phalanx of Freedom. An attack that only the mightiest of wizards and robot-wizards can comprehend, the Phalanx of Freedom disintegrates all evil like a nuclear bomb made of 200 heroic suns.  
>Dan and Laurie still enjoyed the payment that they received that day. Their refridgerators were still loaded with Arizona Tea. The two did what they always did to blow off steam. They cruised through the city in their car, the Wallow Bomber. One day, on Christmas, Silk Spectre received a dachsund from Dan, but she said she didn't like it, so they turned it into their car. Each wheel was made of disco balls, and the car's outer shell was made from the skin of seven different Reese Witherspoones from different realities.<br>It didn't have great mileage, but what it lacked with speed, it made up for in speed. As they drove through the streets, running over alcoholic squirrel after alcoholic squirrel, the Wallow Bomb's paper radio began to sound. "A robbery?" Dan nodded. The car screeched as it's disco-ball wheels turned to the direction of the New York National Bank.  
>The New York National Bank smelled like less of an asshole that day, but more of a bear, and as Laurie stepped out of the car, she knew that meant something was wrong. As the duo of justice charged towards the entrance, they noticed an oliver-tinged vehicle parked askew, and from that, they knew who it was. The door, already forced ajar, opened with little resistance. A towering, hunched mass of flesh and bolts swung his head at the entrance, and snarled as he saw his enemies. "Well, if it isn't Dan and Laurie." He clapped his hands together, which, because they were made of diamonds, created sparks. This man, this thing, used to be a skunk. But, one day, Frankenprime decided that he no longer wanted to be a skunk. So, he shaved himself and flew into space. Already getting bombarded with gamma radiation, he collided with a satelite, fusing together with it and becoming Frankenprime.<br>Now, Frankenprime was one of Nite Owl and Soft Spectre's worst enemies. "We let you go when we fought on Venus, Frankenprime." Nite Owl said soberly, readying his laser scythe. "I won't give you the same chance this time." With his glorious weapon angled to decapitate, Nite Owl charged. Frankenprime's diamond fist latched onto the scythe by the blade, and, lifting Nite Owl by it, he threw his nemesis into the nearby wall, crashing him through it. He turned to Silk Spectre and grinned menacingly. Tears of rage began to well in Silk Spectre's eyes as she saw her partner and lover brutalized. Screaming violently, three arms, made of pure lightning, began to jut out of her back. Frankenprime could only watch in awe as Silk Spectre, her eyes glowing white, unleashed her true potential. Like a cheap 70s movie affect, three Time magazine issues flickered into the lightning hands. Within seconds, each magazine morphed into three massive claymores, each of them bearing girth that, when combined, could rival Frankprime. Each lighting arm effortlessly hurled the large blades into Frankenprime like darts at a bar. For a moment, it took a few seconds for Frankenprime to realize what had just happened. As he began to stumble, his black, corrosive blood gushed out of his mouth, creating a hole in the ground as it dripped onto the floor. Dan, now recovered from the attack, began to dust off the debris on his shoulder. "You promised that you'd never rob another bank, Franken." Nite Owl said, coughing out rubble's powder. "You had to have had a good reason to come here." His eyes, like a falcon flying towards it's prey, homed in on Frankenprime's. "Who sent you?"  
>Purple nightclub light began to pulsate out of every orifice of Frankenprime's deformed body. "...y-you can try all you want..." He said, coughing up more acid blood. "But you can't s-stop it...Ozymandias will return..." Frankenprime exploded, and his blood, mixed in with what was left of him, sprayed everywhere, decorating the checkered floor and walls of the bank.<br>The acid blood landed on Dan and Laurie, but their skin was made of anti-acid armor, so it didn't hurt them. Laurie's lightning arms dissipated as she collapsed into Dan's arms. 


	3. Chapter 3

The Mayor of New York City was dead. He was found dead in his bathroom, which was encrusted with the scabs of Guatemalan lizards. Hideously mutilated, this was a first for most New York Mayors, as all New York Mayors were ritually eviscerated near the end of their second term. The Mayor hadn't even finished his first. All of this came merely hours after Frankenprime's failed bankrobbing. Nite Owl and Silk Spectre mourned his death, as they both loved him. At night, Dan and Laurie would simultaneously have dreams about the Mayor and his rich buttocks. But now he was dead and his buttocks were no more. They wanted revenge. As the duo trained for six months by fighting Kimodo dragons made out of Egyptian cotton, the city of New York deteriorated into chaos. Robo-vandals began to patrol the streets, enforcing anarchy and putting down any form of order in society. Policemen became a dying breed as the Robo-Vandals began to hunt them down. Once rendered captive, the Robo-Vandals would brainwash them and turn them into Robo-Vandals themselves, except they weren't robots so they were just Vandals. Eventually, Nite Owl and Silk Spectre finished the grueling months that they spent on the Sun training. The two of them landed from space and crashed into the already destroyed streets of New York like meteors of justice landing in a forest that was no more.  
>Night Owl, who had grown a massive beard in the duration of their training, noticed that he had forgotten to shave. Raising his gold-plated arms, his wrists lit up with twin rings of hellfire, and he ignited his beard, turning it into a fire beard. A nearby group of Robo-Vandals, who were robbing a hair-store, saw the willful duo, and, cackling, sprinted towards them. Silk Spectre roared as her eyes grew into sinewy, thick arms that punched a hole through one of the Robo-Vandal's heads. I think that the Jackass movies are kind of boring. Lifting it's corpse, her eye-arms, veins pulsing, molded the metal body into eye-arm-gauntlets, and crushed another Robo-Vandal as it prepared to strike Nite Owl with a crowbar. "You didn't have to do that. I could have handled him." Silk Spectre's eye-arms swung into another Robo-Vandal, causing it to explode. "We don't have time to talk, Dan. We've got a city to save." As the rest of the Robo-Vandal pack began to surround them, Nite Owl fired balls of acid from his mouth, corroding and dissolving the remaining Robo-Vandals. "That's it?" Nite Owl scoffed. "Give us something to kill."<br>Silk Spectre's metal-eye-arms receded back into her skull, turning the gauntlets into metal eyescopes. The scopes zoomed in from afar, seeing an army of Robo-Vandals about to burn Bill O'Reilly, our savior, at the stake. "Over there!" She yelled. The two of them activated their iron rocket-armor and flew through the streets, incinerating all Robo-Vandal shrapnel that remained. The two halted their speeding and floated before the army. "It all stops here, Robo-Vandals!" Nite Owl shouted. "Let Bill O'Reilly go." The Robo-Vandals shrieked as they, like a hivemind, melded together and formed a massive glowing fist. Each finger detached from the hand and formed smaller, flaming hands. Each flaming fist speeded towards Nite Owl and Silk Spectre, but both of them emitted searing pulse waves created from the lifeblood of mandrills and communists. Just then, Laurie got an idea. She flew into two buildings, lifting them off of the ground and imbued them with their pirate-energy, bringing the buildings to life and turning them into robot-buildings. The two robot-buildings then did rape the Robot-Vandal fist, and, upon each of their orgasms, turned the robotic fist into liquid and absorbed it into their crotches. Because they absorbed the Robot-Vandal fist, the building-robots transformed into building-robot-fists that helped Bill O'Reilly down from the cross that he was tied to.  
>As Dan and Laurie escorted Bill O'Reilly to safety, he thanked them and called them patriots. <div> 


End file.
